oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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