Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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