I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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