Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
