i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Watching her eat just hurts me
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
