Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
