I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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