Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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