census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
