Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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