she looked like the bat from fern gully.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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