hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
