im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
