Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
