the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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