I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
