apparently the secret to your success is patron
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize