the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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