If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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