I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
