you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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