I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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