i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
