oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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