Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
