he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My cat gives me a boner
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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