i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I have peed in a lot of sinks
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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