1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dicks are not precious.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
