matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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