It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
