I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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