I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
