Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize