I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
