Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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