Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
