Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
