At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
