She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
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