is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
