You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
