Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
