Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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