in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
