i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize