But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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