she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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