I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I understand Curling. That high.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
