my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
