she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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