Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
