I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
