My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
