I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
