the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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