Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
someone owes me an orgasm
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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