I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize