Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
