i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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