I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Randomize