That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
