But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
