New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
