you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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