I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just come out here and I will go home with you...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How's work?
Spinning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize