Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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