My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize