y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
