They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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