We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
