this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize