Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
